The discussion on the role of wives in complementarian discourses confuse me especially when they start disusing how wives should 'conduct themselves'. Usually a very one sided conversation. As the bellow aptly illustrates:
“Then Queen Esther answered.” And I want you to see how respectful she is. Yes or no, her husband is respectable? No. No. Yes or no, Esther is respectful? Yes. The Bible’s going to talk a lot about wives respecting their husbands. Men, we can always gives our wives a shortcut by being respectable, but here, she’s going to respect a man who is not respectable. And God encourages wives to conduct themselves in this way, not so that they will be without power, but so they will be with power. (Emphasis mine)I don't know what his definition of a lot is I think you could say the bible talks a lot about poverty, injustice, salvation, the Sabbath for example but the two or three verses about wives the translations of which are controversial in thousands of pages I don't count as a lot.
Does God encourage manipulative behaviour? Because it seems to me that many complementarian pastors teach manipulation. They are always giving wives advice about how to 'talk' to their husbands and the advise is often about how they can get their way, not that they'd notice that. With this paradigm of the subservient yet intelligent and somehow commanding wife the story of Esther does indeed suggest that such respectful behavior is somehow God ordained and honored by God.
But this seems to completely ignore the fact that Esther has very little choice available to her. It also ignores Jesus's teaching on subversive submission - not something he suggested in situations of God honoring relationships but a form of non-violent resistance to transform situations of injustice and usher in God's Shalom. (As I've written about here)
Interestingly despite declaring that Vashti did the right thing. MD doesn't seem to spend much time exploring the princes response about other women seeing the example of the queen and likewise no longer submitting to their husbands. Apart from to tell women three times in one sermon that the bible tells women to obey their husbands - which it categorically does not. Not even the most litteralist reading could find that sentence.
At the same time however women are told 'If your husband’s asking you to disobey the Lord, he’s not the highest authority.' So the big challenge for wives is when to obey their husbands and when to obey their Lord. I have blogged elsewhere about the internal logical errors of complementarians. But this sentence illustrates it beautifully. My God has, as far as I am concerned. an interest and an opinion about every aspect of my life. So if I where to apply the above sentence to my life I would obey my husband when he is in line with God's opinion only, which actually renders my husbands opinion fairly meaningless. Instead acknowledging our shared human condition and limitations we discus situations together and often with friends and family and collectively seek to discern the mind of Christ (like the good baptists we are).
The complementarian reading of Esther misses the powerful contrast between the oppressive relationship between the king of the largest empire in the world at the time and an orphaned young women from an ethnic minority and that same young women's mutually supportive and cooperative relationship with her cousin.
With all this adoration of the position of wife who then do we deal with women who are not married? Since we are protestant low church we can't pack them off to the nunnery. We have to ask the question:
Is it possible to be a single woman, is it possible to be a divorced woman, is it possible to be a woman who comes from difficult circumstances, is it possible to be an infertile woman who grows in relationship with the Lord and is used in a significant way? Absolutely. That’s the encouraging story of Esther. That’s the massively encouraging story of Esther... Esther’s marriage is never great. We don’t see her with a converted, happy husband holding a baby, but we see her walking with God and doing much good. Amen? It’s a great encouragement for us all, but particularly for you sisters in Christ.
I find it revolting that it was felt that this needs to be said and of all the life circumstances that could beset women not being married and not having kids are presented as the gravest tragedy. So ruinous of women in fact that we even need to question their salvation (because asking if they can be used by God, is just that).
Oh it is all so depressing - So glad the bible has something different to say!
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