Motherhood is dangerous to children

Of course I don't believe that mothers are dangerous to children but I am growing increasingly convinced that the cult of motherhood, secular and christian (and I'd imagine other faiths though I'm not qualified to comment), is quiet frankly dangerous to children.

I just reacted very badly from my belly to the phrase 'there is no higher calling than being a mother. Or indeed, a father.' Strangely I've found these sort of sentiments even harder since becoming a parent. I find them suffocating and feel my insides looking for the nearest exit. 

And when I look in the eyes of my brave, bouncy, contented little two year old I am determined to parent her well as part of a larger community of adults who take specific irresponsibility for her. But I am also reminded of my responsibility to other children, some who's names I don't even know. I am reminded of my responsibility to the earth and my fellow humanity. 

When my heart rejoices when she learn's a new word but I am reminded that her achievements are not my achievements her growth not my growth, her life not my life. She has a calling and a unique contribution to make, that is different from mine and from my mothers. 

And when I feel exhausted and run dry and frustrated at all the things I've not achieved in the day due to nappy washing, I send up a prayer of thanks for my mother and all she did (not just for me but for the many) and I'm reminded that she is not me and I am not her.

When I go 'out to work' as apposed to staying in and working. I drop her off at the childminders - tell her to work hard and go into my workplace. The work I do there is no less important no lower calling - because the people I work with are just as dear to the heart of God, they may not share my DNA but they share my heavenly parent.

Adolescents is a horribly difficult time, which should serve to remind us that developing and carrying an independent identity is hard work and demands emotional, intellectual and spiritual strength. It is a dangerous and damaging thing to ask children to also carry the identities of their parents. 

Please don't here me wrong - I am on holiday and haven't been listening to the news I understand someone recently said parents who didn't enter the paid workplace damaged their children. I am not saying that for one moment it is not for me to tell people how to decide where to invest their time. Working parents fall in to this trap just as often. The point is children should not have to be responsible for a 'hood', a vocation, it is not fair.

Whatever you do do it as though for the Lord. If that's spending significant time parenting then do it with the excellence children and Jesus deserve. If he's calling you to something else instead or as well then equally do it with that same passion for his name and his glory. 

He is our highest calling nothing else, nothing. 

Luke 14:26

The Message (MSG)

Figure the Cost

^25-27 One day when large groups of people were walking along with him, Jesus turned and told them, “Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters—yes, even one’s own self!—can’t be my disciple. Anyone who won’t shoulder his own cross and follow behind me can’t be my disciple.