I am very grateful to the person who wrote this guest blog for me. I would be very interested to know people's reactions. Anyone ever heard a discussion about women masturbating in a Christian context? How do we feel about the regular connection made between Porn and masturbation? How can the church do a better job of acknowledging women's sexualities?
Now over to my guest blogger:
(I make a principle of not editing guest blogs so this is the pure thing)
I remember being at a Christian event once in which people had begun praying out and there was a real sense that God wanted to challenge and free lots of people gathered in that room (two things which very often come hand in hand.) One of the event leaders stood up and began to speak into the microphone, starting 'I really think God wants to speak to a lot of people here about masturbation and pornography'; his next sentence was one that I have never forgotten and one that left a bigger impression on me than most things I have ever heard. 'I'm speaking to you men in the room.' in those eight words this leader had told me that this struggle was gender specific and that as a female, I was both excluded from that struggle, and the solutions he was about to offer.
As a female and someone who has been through, and to an extent is still going through this struggle, I felt in that moment like the only girl in the world who had ever had this issue. It also began a dangerous pattern of secrecy in my struggle; well, if this was a guy-only problem then what the hell was wrong with me? And what would people think of me if they knew?
Since that day I have learnt that that leader's utterance was born out of a very cleverly constructed lie imprinted by the devil in the hearts of as many as will listen. Not only does it make girls who are dealing with issues around porn and masturbation feel ashamed and alone; but it completely normalises the issue for guys.
When hot pants first appeared on our catwalks and then our high streets, the church was in uproar, but since they have begun to appear on females of every age and every place; we think far less about how to change the nations mind about the importance of modesty and far more about where we can get a pair.
Tenuous link, but the same applies, if men are constantly bombarded with advertisements, programmes and sermons that tell them that, as a man they will masturbate and watch porn, not doing so somehow makes them feel abnormal.
How refreshing would it be to hear a sermon which challenges the very core of this struggle, which tells us that as new creations in Christ, we have been freed from the manipulative grip of lust on our hearts and challenges us to step up and claim that freedom.
Why the emphasis on a link between masturbation and porn - as if if there were no porn (or hotpants), there would be no masturbation. I'm sure that's not true, especially for women.
ReplyDeleteGood post with some important insights.
ReplyDeleteObviously he was speaking to the men because he is a man. He did not want to exclude you, but he is not an expert on female masturbation for obvious reasons. The struggle is not gender specific but sometimes the conversation is. How could he have advice on the subject of female masturbation when he has no idea what it even means to be a woman? There is a reason why the Father should talk to the Son, and Mother to the Daughter.There is no need to bring Christ in to the masturbation issue, if indeed there is even an issue. Talk to family, talk to friends, listen to the same sex. Masturbation is not a problem. Just like education is not a problem. I was going to make a joke about the guest blogger writing "come hand in hand" but it would be in poor taste. Am I a man? Am I a woman? That is the question.
ReplyDeleteI know this is a few months old but wanted to comment as it is something that I am interested in thinking and talking about. As a young woman growing up, I never 'knew' my body - I never really explored my body sensually or knew what felt pleasurable to me. In Christian circles I think that it is much more accepted that teenage boys will masturbate and figure out what feels good to them but there is silence generally around young women discovering their sexuality or touching themselves. As I have become more engaged with feminist issues I have started to become friends with my body and tried to break away from some of these negative associations about being intimate with my body. I am married and I think that there are perhaps different issues when we talk about masturbation within marriage and what that looks like and what is perhaps agreed to within a marriage relationship. I think that the link between porn and masturbation is a huge issue and that because they are usually bound up with each other it makes the discussion more difficult. But if there was some way that we could encourage both boys and girls to know and discover their bodies without the aid/need for porn I think that would be a positive move. I don't think that I have any problem with women and men to know what feels good to them and to give themselves pleasure in touching themselves - but I do not think that using porn as part of this process can be condoned. Difficult one though!
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