Equal in the pulpit, but what about at home?

I recently started to listen to a discussion  in which Christian women explained to men "What women want". I had to stop when a highly successful talent women told the eager audience not to be afraid of the strong (can't remember the adjective exactly could have been successful or independent or something) women myth, as capable women where eager and willing to submit and be lead.  This was a recording from a church I have great respect for but at this point I had to turn it off - this is not a good habit of mine I know but I had it on as background to the washing up and getting irate and angry generally does not assist the process of cleaning.
I had already been riled by the comment that 'not even Freud' after all his years of study had worked out 'what women want'. This is plain and simply because he did not listen to what they where saying and decided it was a mass hallucination. Anyway there is no one answer to that question because there are several billion women on the planet and they do not all have the same desires. Simplest way to know what a women wants: ask her, and listen to the answer.
Anyway it reminded me again of something I have perceived and find perplexing; that so many of the Christians and churches in this country, which are egalitarian in their practice of Church leadership, still assume hierarchy in marriage almost unquestioningly. It's the unquestioned and unexamined nature that concerns me. Many an Egalitarian church I have been to will regularly have preaches about women's equal capacity to lead and ministry and responsibility being based on individuals gifting and spiritual maturity and not gender. Members of Churches will know and be able to articulate their churches position.
But what about a churches or even Christians view of Marriage and gender hierarchy? While Our complementarian brothers and sisters have very clear teachings on the roles of men and women in the church and home I am not sure Egalitarian churches feel quiet as confident in what they actually believe and I detect a certain nervousness in broaching the subject. Not that there is not good egalitarian exegesis and discussion about relevant passages and their meaning. See here: http://www.cbeinternational.org/?q=content/i-believe-male-headship and here http://www.cbeinternational.org/?q=content/marriage-family-and-relationships.
But somehow many churches and Christians, while having challenged the understanding of the role of women in churches, stop short of examining how that applies in marriage.
Even more than that I have often heard people say things in discussion about a whole range of subjects which presupposes that those listening will have a hierarchical view of marriage, that this is a given and does not have to be justified or spelled out, there is just an underlying assumption that this is the Christian view. This is obviously expected when it occurs in churches that teach hierarchy but I am amazed how common it is in egalitarian churches and how rarely it is challenged.
This coupled with a resurgence, both inside and outside the church, of a deterministic view of gender and sexuality makes me concerned that many Christian marriages are limited in what they can achieve for the kingdom because each person is trying to squeeze themselves into a mould that is not given of God and therefore limiting them and how fully they can give themselves to each other and how fully they as a married unit can give themselves to the service of God.
I know many will disagree with that last sentiment especially those who assert that there are different roles and authorities within marriage. The main concern I am raising here is my perception that there is a clear lack of teaching and debate on this issue within an egalitarian framework, that people are afraid to address it and in consequence many people are unsure where they stand.
If we have an Egalitarian view of church leadership but a hierarchical view of marriage what happens when a women is her husbands church leader? What are the implications for raising up new leaders if women are not taking full responsibility in their family decision making. What are the implications for men learning from women in the church if they take authority over their own wives on the basis of their gender? What are the implications for our young people growing up in abusive homes of not directly preaching about the mutuality and respect due in marriage? What are the implications for single people who are seeking to get married and
are concerned about finding someone they can lead/be lead by?
Anyway perhaps its just me. I would be very interested to know what others experience is? Is this preached about? Do you find people to be presumptive about what your view on this may be? Do you hear these views being challenged? If anyone reads this do let me know your thoughts. Otherwise it was a nice exercise in talking to myself!